Saturday, 21 November 2009
Thursday, 1 October 2009
Thursday, 24 September 2009
I am honored to be a Village Leader of Zumani for this project. Please help me and my 14 year old Village Mzata, Agnes, and join team Zumani.
I implore you to spread the word to your friends and also ask them to join our team.
Click right HERE, right now to Join My Village.
"Women are changing the world, village by village. Join Us.”
Wednesday, 16 September 2009
This week we are sending another child off to college.
I used to guffaw when my oldest children were little and SO many people would feel compelled to tell me just how fast the time was going to fly by. My inner dialogue at the time was something like, “I know that was your experience, but this seems to be dragging on rather nicely thank-you-very-much.”
This is our fourth of nine children heading off to college and yes, I have to say it boggles the mind to see the man that he has become, and have no clue where the time went that has aged him.
I’ll miss him a lot.
He was one of those babies and toddlers that was freaky-perfect. He was always happy and I remember saying to him when he was around 3 years, “Luke, I just can’t believe how well behaved you are, you’ve never even been in time out.” His precocious response was, “I know, I watched what Rachel (older sister) did and learned what not to do.”
Yes, he was always precocious.
When he was just toddling around, I locked myself out of the house while he was inside; he was too young to manipulate the lock. He grinned a big grin at me, pushed the chair over to the counter, stood on it, got the sugar bowl, went to the silverware drawer and got a spoon and promptly went to the table and began eating sugar straight out of the bowl. This from the child that, literally, had never misbehaved. I knew then he had gifts.
When he had an early childhood screening to make sure he was on track with speech because of some articulation issues he was around 2 and a half, the lady screening him called for her colleagues to come listen to him. “When I asked him what color the sun was (while pointing at a picture) he said golden. Golden! Can you imagine? I’ve never heard golden before.” I am literally thinking what, exactly, is the big deal? He was scored socially at an age equivalent of 7 years and I knew it was, in part, related to her describing how the first thing out of his mouth when he sat down was, “I really like your rings. They’re beautiful.” Again, my thought was, uhm, and what’s so amazing?
That happens when you live with an amazing kid.
You don’t really understand just how amazing they are until people point it out to you . . . or until they are leaving you to start their own life.
This college bound guy hasn’t always been perfect throughout his teen years and thankfully, my professional background kept me sane realizing it wouldn’t be “normal” if his relative perfection continued. He has a mind of his own. He’s taken risks that I’d rather he not take and he’s made some choices that have garnished him some pretty stark consequences.
Tomorrow we take that long drive.
My wish for him is that he uses his talent for the greater good — for himself and society as a whole. The world really is his oyster as long as he understands and respects the commitment and responsibility involved in being giver and not a taker from the world at large.
In the meantime, my peacemaker and most wonderfully supportive man-son is on his way to make his way.
I wish him luck and love and health and safety and success in every step he takes.
I love you, Luke.
Tuesday, 11 August 2009
A funny thing happened this weekend.
Saturday, 8 August 2009
I just got back from the perfect date.
Monday, 3 August 2009
Thursday, 4 June 2009
Monday, 1 June 2009
I am being tested.
Thursday, 28 May 2009
Monday, 27 April 2009
Saturday, 25 April 2009
Saturday, 18 April 2009
Thursday, 2 April 2009
Saturday, 28 March 2009
Friday, 27 March 2009
Thursday, 26 March 2009
Check out the progress of MOMSthatROCK! Productions with our first installment of our video diary!
Wednesday, 25 March 2009
Friday, 20 March 2009
Sunday, 15 March 2009
o Set the alarm and get up at the same time every morning (before 9:00 a.m.) no matter how much, or little, sleep you had the previous night.
o Do not go to bed until tired or before 9:00 p.m.
o To fall asleep do the slow, deep, regular breathing counting backwards to yourself from 100 with each breath. This allows your body to relax, and blocks out stressful thoughts. Do not rush this process.
o If you go to bed and are unable to sleep after 30 minutes, go to another room and engage in a relaxing activity, such as reading, until tired. Do not fall asleep in another room. Return to bed only when you are sleepy.
o Keep bedroom as dark and quiet as possible. You want your bedroom to be a sleep haven that gives your mind and body the message: when I am in here and lying down for sleep: I Sleep.
o Clear bedroom of all distractions: no TV, computer, stereo, etc. You make think "I HAVE to have the TV or radio on to sleep." What you do not realize is that every time there is a change in a song or a commercial or a laugh track your body is brought out of the restorative sleep stage-- even if you do not fully awaken.
o Use background noise such as a fan or white noise maker if you have a history of awakening easily. Many folks have what I call "mommy ear." You sleep with one ear open to protect the household and when you hear a creak or snap or crackle or pop it arouses you.
o No caffeine after 12 noon; consider totally eliminating caffeine from diet.
o Get your exercise in before 5:00 p.m. It would be best to do your regular exercise routine in the mornings.
o Keep a note pad and pen by your bed. If a thought occurs to you that you feel is important and you must remember, write it down. This technique has been like medicine for folks and eliminates the waking up to tell yourself, "oh I have to remember to do . . . tomorrow."
o And, sorry to say, but alcohol may feel like it lulls you to sleep but it is horrible for sleep and keeps you from reaching the level of restorative sleep you need.
Thursday, 12 March 2009
Monday, 9 March 2009
Sunday, 8 March 2009
I dare you . . .
A birth announcement is forthcoming tomorrow: International Women's Day.
I dare you to look back here and find read that announcement. . .
I dare you to enjoy the excitement of participating in global change . . .
I dare you to join the cause . . .
Acting locally for change globally . . .
til tomorrow . . .
Saturday, 7 March 2009
Serendipity. . . intuition . . . vibes . . . coincidence . . . magic . . . miracles . . . synchronicity . . . grace . . .
These are all part of our everyday life if we only allow ourselves to be open to the experiences. Many of us grew up programming ourselves to ignore our ability to see these magical messages we were receiving.
Friday, 20 February 2009
Every person I talk to that has any symptoms of anxiety or depression prefaces it with, "It's because I am so sick of the winter . . " "I'll be better when I can start getting outside." "Who doesn't feel like this with this weather?"
Tuesday, 17 February 2009
- Albert Ellis
- stop blaming the parent that called you fat for being fat or thinking you are fat and figure out what you need to do to feel better about yourself; then do it.
- stop blaming previous relationships for your inability to trust or control anger and set a goal to master those traits FOR YOURSELF.
- stop blaming the fact you were never taught how to manage money on your parents or educators and seek education now so you can accept responsibility for your financial future.
- stop blaming that you were never picked for any sports teams growing up or made fun of in P.E. for your aversion to exercise and MOVE for your health.
Wednesday, 11 February 2009
- maintaining your health by exercising isn't an all or nothing deal; there will be stumbles but your health will only improve if you get up and keep moving . . .
- eating a healthy diet is a challenge; choosing something less than healthy doesn't mean you need to abort your goal of an overall average of healthy choices . . .
- positive communications in our relationships is a worthy goal; if your anger gets the best of you at some point does that mean your a failure in relationships? no, you are human. how do you learn from your interaction? make amends and move forward . . .
- doing the best job you possibly can in your work, be it President of the United States or parenting your children is a great goal to set; life and work and the unknown will throw you curve balls in the future. accept that challenges arise and each time you face one you can use the knowledge gained to help you be a bit more effective in similar circumstances in the future.
- practicing your faith or your practice of centering yourself in the face of chaos is sometimes touch and go; don't puncture your life boat just because you can't always reach it-- it will be there for you when you can make time for it.
Thursday, 5 February 2009
1. The evil hide their motives with lies.
2. Evil people want to appear to be good.
3. When confronted by evil, the wisest and most secure adult will usually experience confusion.
4. Evil seeks to discourage others to think for themselves (fosters dependency).
5. To oppose evil we must have an ongoing dedication to reality at all cost.
Tuesday, 27 January 2009
Below is the list of diagnostic criteria, 5 of which must be present to qualify a candidate for winning THE diagnosis. Most people with NPD won't be asking for your vote because they'll know you've voted for them and if you didn't they wouldn't want your ignorance backing them anyway. Nothing personal there, just trying to help you climb inside and take a ride in the gas/energy guzzling ride of a narcissistic personality.
1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. believes that he or she is "special" and unique
4. requires excessive admiration
5. has a sense of entitlement i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
6. is interpersonally exploitative i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
7. lacks empathy; is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
8. is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
I don't know the actual number of individuals having been diagnosed but I can say with certainty that we have many people with narcissistic traits walking among us. I have known people with these characteristics in my personal and professional life.
It isn't pretty.
The sense of self-entitlement-- getting what they want or think they deserve with no concern about anyone but themselves, "you owe me," is pathological and destroys foundations of relationships (personal and professional) left and right.
One of the quoted professionals on the SJ-R article mentioned that individuals with NPD do not frequently get therapy because they do not think they are the problem. I would add that a narcissistic person will drag others to therapy (when it sometimes more disruptive than helpful) to try and prove that others have a problem and they do not; and they may also attend alone giving the professional their one-sided view of their life and their relationships without confirmation of their stories/experiences, and use that as an opportunity to grab some validation, "see, I got help and they think I'm fine (or right, or best . . .)." In other words, they haven't gone to get help but to stage a scenario where, once again, they can be told they are right.
The children of the person with NPD suffer most. They are so confused about what is true and what isn't, what is right and what is wrong, what is an appropriate emotional response and what is emotional drama and overreaction-- their foundation for successful emotional and social development is at great risk.
Children will likely either fall into the parent's footsteps and have similar narcissistic qualities or be at risk for severe self esteem issues; after all, they were never important enough for the parent to put their own issues and agendas aside and parent appropriately. These children have been brought up seeing such inconsistencies in the words, actions and values their frame of reference is skewed.
Imagine that you are a child and your parent would lie and put the blame about an issue on you instead of accepting responsibility for something that the parent did and the child KNOWS the parent did. And imagine the parent does it with a big smile on their face, all the while insisting that they are reporting the truth. There stands the child, knowing they can't question their parent (who is ALWAYS right), unable to stand up and defend their own integrity; there is no foundational breeding ground for core values of honesty, integrity, loyalty. Unless, you hope and pray, they have other adult role models that model positive values and can give the child a reality check when needed.
I am not a proponent of putting individuals into a diagnostic box, which our insurance system forces us to do in this day and age, because many of the emotional and behavioral health issues, I believe, fall into a spectrum of severity as well as overlap with other diagnosis. Many people with the narcissistic traits will also have characteristics of borderline personality disorder-- in both cases people learn they must walk on eggshells around these folks so as not to catch their wrath; of course that rarely works because the people thrive on the drama they create and manipulate.
So when you hear our infamous current governor, as I did on NPR today, sounding so nonchalant about his predicament and comparing himself to situations in movies and the movie characters and people that have historically been done wrong and then hear the list of television talk shows he is going on later in the day and all the while you are thinking, if that was me I would be so embarrassed I'd want to hole up somewhere they would never look for me-- like the Springfield Governors Mansion . . . Don't worry, you haven't lost your mind.
But also understand, you don't have to be in government or Hollywood to be brushing shoulders with people with narcissistic traits. And when you brush up to someone with similar characteristics, what the best thing to do? Take care of yourself. Helping others is not on their list of things to do.
Many professionals have the opinion that folks with personality disorders typically will not get or accept treatment, for one reason because PD's aren't something that can be cured with medicine and it takes a true willingness to change.
But I've seen people decide to get better and do so.
Just like with addictions, the person has to hit their own personal rock-bottom and decide, "ENOUGH, I cannot live like this anymore."