Tuesday, 13 January 2009

No Surrender




Does this ever happen to you?

You make a commitment for some positive change in your life, that you can actually control, and poof-- right when you think you've got it down, you fall on your face?

It just happened to me.

Literally.

If you read back at my "resolutions" post, you will see that I have this brilliant idea to psyche myself into getting some exercise every day. Though I vowed to myself not to report in about it until the end of the month, I must share.

I've had a run on my resolution. So far, every day, I have exercised for at least 15 minutes. And only ONE day did I exercise for ONLY 15 minutes.

Psyche.

It's working!

Guess what happened yesterday?

I literally fell flat on my face.

My husband and my four year old and my self were walking through a parking lot when said four year old (whom I was hand-holding) began doing the bob and weave and baby-tripped me. So as not to throw myself into said four year old's gait and send him flying, I did not do the typical giant, leaping steps and flailing arms we adults do to regain our balance and keep our face off the ground.

Little did I know, that split second choice would send me falling straight flat on my face. Seriously now, imagine a telephone pole being pushed over and landing with a gargantuan thud.

That was me.

I heard/felt something pop in my rib region. My hands were embedded with gravel. I literally had gravel dust all up my legs and trunk which was proof, positive of the full body log-like contact I had made with the ground. A kind stranger was much more freaked out than my husband who was 3 strides ahead, because he actually saw it and I remember him yelling, "Oh my God!!!"

Thank heaven for yoga-- I actually landed in somewhat of a cobra position so that my face was spared of the gravel debridement.

The long version would go on and talk about the fear of breathing in too far because what would happen if there is a little splinter there that could puncture my lung . . . and all sorts of happy thoughts like that. But I'll try for the shorter version.

I was sore last night. I have taken a regular regime of anti-inflammatories to keep the inflammation and pain at bay.

Sleep was hell.

Every time I woke up and had excruciating pain I would wince at the fact that I was surely going to be an invalid for the next several days. One of the last dreams I had was that I slept all the way through until 3:30 pm when my boys arrived home from school, being the invalid that I was.

My husband kissed me good-bye after kindly getting everyone rounded for school and shoving more ibuprofen in my mouth, to which I winced, "what am I going to do for my exercise???" "Honey, you didn't figure an injury in there, it's not practical-- you'll have to skip." To which I moaned--- Nooooooo . . .

I lie in pain for a while longer and then carefully and slowly pried myself out of bed by using the headboard for momentum. And guess what? After I was up for about 5 minutes I had this revelation: the absolutely worst and most painful position for rib injuries is lying down.

No, I'm not a picture of comfort but I am not writhing in pain like I was in bed. So the prognosis isn't quite as bad as I had painted for myself and my resolution.

As I write this, I find it an interesting metaphor for some of the challenges in life. The whole 3 steps forward, 2 steps back phenomenon.

We have a relationship in our life that is an extreme challenge. It is a necessary relationship, one that we cannot end at will for various reasons, but it is a very, very difficult relationship. It is compromised by the afore mentioned 3 step/2 step concept. As soon as you feel that you are on some secure footing and communication is about as optimal as it is going to get: SPLAT. We are pushed flat on our face, so to speak.

I'm sure you have them too. Examples of where you can only do what is in your control to make a situation or relationship optimal but the reception of that is variable and very out of your control.

It's hard when you feel like you are following the program, then splat, there you are pushing yourself off the ground again and having to accept the fact that the other party just hasn't and may never sign up for the "optimal communication" plan.

Then we cue ourselves: we can only do what is in our power; we can only control ourselves; WE are the only ones that can stick to OUR plan . . .

A rough patch doesn't mean throwing in the towel, but it may mean restructuring expectations or, in some cases, willing surrender just to save the feeling of being beat up repeatedly.

For me? Just before I sat down to write this I tried to jog around the house. OUCH. The jarring wasn't a good call. Then I hopped up on the elliptical and gave it a try for about 2 minutes. Much better.

I may have to tweak my plan a bit, but as for today: No retreat baby . . . No Surrender. (Go to 0:44-1:25 mark for relevant refrain) :-)

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