Friday, 15 October 2010

Don't Let the Miserable People Get You Down: helpful hints

Today I was awakened to a reminder of just how wonder-full life is . . . unfortunately it came at the expense of being reminded of someone else's misery.

Here is a friendly reminder of a few pointers to help you deal with difficult people you run into in your life; we all have them.

For some people their difficulty is pathological: such an inbred trait that they are beyond recognizing how difficult they are or having any ability to change.

For others it is a conscious choice~ they delight in the game of trying to see others become as miserable as themselves and will go to no end to perpetuate drama and exhibit control.

Rule number 1:  Don't let that person succeed in making you miserable.  Keep your focus.  Keep your sanity.  Keep your eye on the greater good.

Other reminders follow:

  • Always remember "it is not about you."  Miserable people are miserable whether they are attempting to cause drama in your life or not.  It really has nothing to do with you.

  • Do not stoop to a difficult person's level.  Trust me, I know how tempting it is to try to reason or make a point but remind yourself that if a person is pathologically difficult they will never hear you and will only enjoy attempting to draw out drama.

  • Adjust your expectations to NEVER expect a rational response from the difficult person.  Consider that the person has severe issues, mental illness or a disability just as if they were in a wheel chair and unable to walk, but in their case it is their brain and personality and ability to relate to others in a reasonable manner that is disabled.

  • Limit your involvement with a difficult person.  When you burn your hand on the iron, do you walk back and say, hmmmm, that hurt, I'd like to do that again?  (if so there are other issues and that's another column!)

  • If there are children involved remember you can only control yourself and make it a priority to Keep. Kids. First.   . . .  and say a little prayer or send positive energy to them for the times they have to deal with the difficult person.

  • And never forget what a wonderful gift inner peace and living in harmony with others is and surround yourself with positive people and enjoy every minute possible!

Tuesday, 12 October 2010

Keep. Kids. First.

Here is a very brief list of questions for divorced parents to keep yourself in check and to Keep. Kids. First.

1.  Do you include the other parent in parent-teacher conferences, evaluations, MD visits and share communication regarding ongoing issues at school?

2.  Do you offer to discuss what is going on in the child's life/lives on a regular basis?

3.  Do you hold yourself to the same standard you would the other parent?  i.e. adhering to the Joint Parent Agreement; following through with recommendations such as evaluations for the children; refraining from talking negative about the other parent, etc.

4. Are you able to put your own anger and your own emotional issues aside and focus on what is best for the children?

5. Are you able to Keep.  Kids.  First.?

Email us at if you are a parent of divorce or were a child of divorce to answer a few short questions that will help us in our forthcoming book to help future parents of divorce to Keep.  Kids.  First.